I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
