Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize