Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
