yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
