Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
