this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
