it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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