Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
