don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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