conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
