I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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