my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
