@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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