i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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