I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize