my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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