I'm going to jail i love you
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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