We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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