She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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