She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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