You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
