my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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