You're my little dorito
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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