She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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