they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
