yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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