you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
