I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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