Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
