We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
love makes seman taste better
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
