ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
