i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
