Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize