We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
