i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
