I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
