I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i think i have herpe
just one?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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