woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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