I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
