i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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