Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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