somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
