They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
