if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
