She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
