I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
