did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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