he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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