Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
