We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
