And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
