listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Every concussion has its silver lining
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
