At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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