Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
