I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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