I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
is wine microwaveable?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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