I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
