If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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