no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
