you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sext me about skeletons
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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