So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
