bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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