Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
