the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
