I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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