so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
