WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
