I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize