she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
