Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
