I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
