Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
