Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize