i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize