I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
