Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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