you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
