First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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