she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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