Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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