omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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