im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
