Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
