We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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