Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
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