i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize