Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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