so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
