I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
