ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
