"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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