if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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