I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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