my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize