Don't make out with my wife yet
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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