Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
