i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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