Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
