You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
