Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize