I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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