Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
