You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
