So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize