just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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