APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Houston, we have a squirter
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
