I'm really into asian looking animals
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
