guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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