no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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