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my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you will always have a special place in my vag
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
