i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
