My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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