drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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